Marin Headlands

Ambivalence

The morning after the storms passed in late November, I took my camera to the hills near my Inner Sunset home to capture views to the north, east, and west. I was feeling grateful, for many reasons. First, the storm’s tail-end spawned fantastic cloudscapes; this photo-ready drama, common elsewhere, is relatively rare in San Francisco. Second, the storm stirred hope for a good rainy season, which we still need after years of drought. Third, the clear sharp air was the first after nearly two weeks of smoke — breath-stealing, eye-stinging, school-closing smoke — that had drifted to the Bay Area from the tragic Camp Fire hundreds of miles to the north and east.

As my camera shoot progressed, this last bit of gratitude slowly opened itself to question. Yes, the skies dazzled, and my lungs sucked in cool fresh air, and I was grateful, even exhilarated, that the smoke was vanquished. But to our north and east, the dead were still being sought and counted, and beneath these same brilliant skies the people of Paradise were slowly returning to … nothing.

So I felt a mix of sorrow and gratitude. I can’t call it survivor guilt, because I was not in the midst of the fire, and what we survived here was by comparison a mere nuisance. I don’t know how to label it, and grammar-themed websites aren’t coming up with answers. “Cognitive dissonance” feels too removed. “Ambivalence” may fit the bill, but in some ways even it seems too weak a term. All I know for certain is that, for me, the images from that morning will always carry a weight beyond their blue skies, sun-struck buildings, and billowy clouds.

 

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Foggy Karenina: The End

Yes, it’s time to end a series that has gone on almost as long as the Tolstoy novel itself. I hope you’ll now agree that while sunny photos are all alike, each foggy photo is foggy in its own way. You can use the links on this blog page to find the earlier entries in the five-part series.

It was tempting to conclude by showing a MUNI train rushing out of the fog. But I opted instead for what I’ll call Chamber of Commerce Fog.

In the top panoramic image, seen above the trees of Golden Gate Park, are the towers of St. Ignatius Cathedral and Lone Mountain tower, both on the campus of the University of San Francisco. In the bottom photo, just a hint of the Marin Headlands shows above sunset fog in the Golden Gate Strait. As always, clicking on the image opens it larger. Thanks for looking in!